Somehow I made it to my early 20s without crippling symptoms, despite the intense harassment that I faced daily during those years.

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I have always been a high-achieving academic, which came crashing and burning down in my last semester of college when my academic advisor didn't stop me from taking 2x the amount of classes that was usually permissible.

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Intense stomach pain.

Full-body tension, like I was getting squeezed out.

Panic at stoplights or in lines at stores.

Terrified to leave my house.

Unable to eat.

Staying away from other people.

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I tried talk therapy and left sessions trying to hold back the shaking that arose from what the therapist's questions brought up.

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I journaled my thoughts daily and scared myself with what came out.

 

I combated negative self-talk with positive thinking and got 5 seconds of peace before the intense wave of fear would return.

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I tried anxiety medication and the 1st dose left me unable to close my eyes, afraid that someone was going to attack me.

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I tried surgery to remove the stomach polyps that my tension and anxiety created.

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Nothing worked until I found body-based emotional healing (embodiment). The highlights of this were trauma-informed somatic yoga, Reiki, shamanic healing, massage, and Embodiment.

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After 5 years of embodiment services, that version of me doesn't feel like the same person I am today, although so much of her is integrated into who I have become. (Our past, the version of us who's creating these symptoms, has to be integrated in order to heal. She can't be de-sensitized, go through exposure therapy, or avoided.)

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Every single embodiment professional I went to, every class I took, every training I attended, was all to help me first, and this is an important aspect to my story. The Providers who helped me the most were the ones I modeled: I wanted to learn what they knew so that I could support myself between sessions.

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I have always found such radical healing within just the first few sessions of any embodiment-based service that I receive. I excitedly shared my experience with friends and family and quickly found myself doing these services for others.

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Now that my crippling symptoms are g-o-n-e GONE (let's celebrate that!), I find myself learning techniques to expand upon my healing. Getting to a place of deep, prolonged peacefulness leads to creativity and true joy. I once thought peace was the end-goal, and I've come to believe that it is just the beginning.